Deep Thoughts

These two consumed my life for a while (3 years to be exact). They still do but in a different way now.

Nothing had more of an impact on how I feel about losing my Nana than seeing the pictures with the kids. This one in particular because the three of us spent so much time together. Nana and Hailey spent a lot of time in that chair. Hailey would "read" to Nana and Nana would look at the pictures and ask her what everything was. All the kids adored her. Didn't we all? 

This is just a sample of the great grand children. I have been going back and forth with a cousin from Maine trying to keep track of this family. She had: 

11 grandchildren 14 great grand children and 11 great great grandchildren!  

Bernice A. Woodman

May 27, 1917 Kingston, Nova Scotia, Canada

October 5, 2014 Ramona, California, USA

AKA Nana
AKA Bunny
AKA Auntie Bernice
AKA Honey Bunny
AKA Mum

Nana 2014

I went through her stuff today. It was difficult. I have attempted it a few times in the past 18 months. I tried this morning and walked away from it. I went to see her and brought a few of her favorite shirts. I called my dad. Then I came back home and started in on it again. I've packed what I feel I can part with. It's ready to go out into the world and be part of someone else's life. I stored some stuff in my closet that I cannot part with yet. Chris, Casie or Hailey might have to deal with it someday, lol.

She will most likely be moving soon (again). She's... we've been very happy with her stay at Ramona Senior Manor. Tough part is the money is running out and she needs to be moved to a place that will take MediCal. She's been approved now we just have to wait for a bed. This will not be an easy move since the care won't be as good.

TIMELINE:
Feb 5, 2013 Nana most likely suffered a stroke. She spent 4 days in Pomerado Hospital.
Feb 8, 2013 Nana was moved to a Skilled Nursing Facility in Escondido and stayed for about a month. They tried to get he to walk again and feed herself.
March 4, 2013 Nana moved to Grace Manor in Poway.
May 10, 2013 Nana moved to Ramona Senior Manor.
June 2013 Nana was put on hospice care.

It's difficult to go and see her now. I used to go almost every day. Since January when life got busy again I was lucky to see her once a week. Now I force myself to go. She's lost a lot of weight and she sleeps most of the time. I know she is well taken care of. The move to another facility will put her at least 30 mins away. She never wanted to live like this. I sometimes wish and I tell her in my mind that it's ok to go now. She's done her job here and she can leave us. I just don't want her to be anywhere else living just an existence. I fear the worst for her care and I know she will go down hill fast. I don't want her to go like that. If she could just go now peacefully and happy since she is so cared for and loved by the people she has been around for more than a year. Maybe I'm being selfish but I know she didn't want to live like this.